"The moments of happiness—not the sense of well-being,

Fruition, fulfillment, security or affection,

Or even a very good dinner, but the sudden illumination—

We had the experience but missed the meaning,

And approach to the meaning restores the experience

In a different form, beyond any meaning

We can assign to happiness"

from The Dry Salvages

Eliot

Both Saturday and Sunday when I finally hauled myself out

of bed the temperature in the backyard had warmed up to 

about -28 C or -18 F. I am not sure how cold it was earlier

but even after the temperatures had risen to a balmy -20 or so

they still proved too much for the heated birdbath which has 

frozen over. The birds and the squirrels still appear at the feeder 

but only the magpies who have pecked a hole through the ice

can get a drink.

My reading on epiphany or revelation in poetry continues

yesterday it lead me to the works of T.S. Eliot, enjoy.

I am off the the library you can never have too many books 

around.

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—"

from Little Gidding 

Eliot

"After the park and the street the interior of the building

seemed very silent. A long beam of sunlight, in which small

particles of dust swam about, all at once slanted through an upper

 window on the staircase, and struck the opaque glass

panels of the door. On several occasions recently I had

been conscious of approaching the brink of some

discovery; an awareness that nearly became manifest,

 then suddenly withdrew. Now the truth came flooding in with

 the dust infested sunlight. The revelation of self-identity was

inescapable. There was no doubt about it. I was me.'

 

Anthony Powell

quoted in Christopher Hitchens

An Omnivorous Curiosity

The Atlantic June 2001

 

I still seem to have lapsed into some form of winter doldrums

and am marooned in my own personal version of the horse latitudes.

I have spent, what is probably too much time thinking and reading too

 little doing, that said I will indulge in another trip down memory lane.

I have periodically in my life come to remember an experience

I had in my youth. I would probably have been in public school

possibly 9 or 10 when I came home from school and was looking

out the dining room window which faced our driveway. However it

was not the view that caught my attention but the golden light striking

the wide oak radiator cover under the window. In this instance I

experienced a moment of such clarity and strength that I remember

it to this day although nothing of significance occurred and it had no

lasting effect on my life. There are a number of words that might

encompass such an experience revelation, satori, epiphany ( indeed

epiphany has apparently become a staple of poetry and I have begun
reading Ashton Nichols The Poetics of Epiphany to explore this idea )
but all these terms seem to indicate some new found knowledge or
direction stemming from this experience. While I remember the power
of this experience I then or now eached no conclusion as to it's

significance if any in my life.

 

One thing that I do enjoy about reading and why I love literature and poetry

is that I  I feel a commonality with authors who are recording their own or

their characters experiences in a attempt to understand their lives or the

lives of the world around them. Even if the experiences or their conclusions

do not match my own I still find it a worthwhile experience. So while I have

nothing as yet to share about my experience I am offering quotes by some

excellent authors that may offer their "take" on such an experience.

 

"Against the gateway, against some cedar tree I saw blaze bright,
 Neville, Jinny, Rhoda, Susan and myself, our life, our identity.
 ...,. But we--against the brick, against the branches, we six, out
of how many million millions, for one moment out of what measureless
abundance of past time and time to come, burnt there triumphant. The
moment was all; the moment was enough."

 

                                 The Waves

                                          Virgina Woolfe

 

"There came news of a word.
Crow saw it killing men. He ate well.
He saw it bulldozing
Whole cities to rubble. Again he ate well.
He saw its excreta poisoning seas.
He became watchful.
He saw its breath burning whole lands
To dusty char.
He flew clear and peered."

from A Disaster

Ted Hughes

book Crow

Yes more BC vacation photos. One of the first creatures that

welcomed us on our initial somewhat damp walk on the

seawall were the crows. They were everywhere in the surf, on

the beach, in the park, in the sky. After watching them mob

the Bald Eagles, quarrel with the gulls  and raid the trash cans.

I decided this will be my "totem" animal, go figure I have always

felt a certain affinity for crows whether they were acting as the

noisy heralds of spring or moving through our neighbourhood

in great silent flocks in the fall, they have exerted a strong pull on

my imagination.  Possibly if I lived by a winter roost I would

feel differentely but I don't so I won't.

A great book about Crows is Crow Planet by Lynda Lynn Haupt.

Her book about Darwin, Pilgrim on the Great Bird Continent is

also very good.

And  like a good poem or painting the more closely

you look at a crow the more beauty you find.

And as with all good totems he can be scary looking,

magisterial,

and he also points the way.

"But Crow . . Crow
Crow nailed them together,
Nailing Heaven and earth together -

So man cried, but with God's voice.
And God bled, but with man's blood.

Then heaven and earth creaked at the joint
Which became gangrenous and stank -
A horror beyond redemption.

The agony did not diminish.

Man could not be man nor God God.

The agony

Grew.

Crow

Grinned

Crying: 'This is my Creation,'

Flying the black flag of himself. "

from Crow Blacker than ever

Ted Hughes

book Crow

As I trundled thru the house getting ready for work

I heard the sound of the finches up and singing  with

the dawn. It is for me a happy sound

Later I read an article that appeared as a link on aldaily.com

from the New Republic, Happyism The creepy new economics 

of pleasure by Deirdre N. McCloskey. She touched all

the basics pleasure vs happiness, the hedonic treadmill,

economic theory, surveys etc. and while I found it

interesting if long I was also distracted more and more by the

thoughts of what make me happy. I also realized that one thing
that I enjoy when I read is the authors attempts to capture the

moment when they are overwhelmed by joy, revelation,
fuifillment, what ever you choose to call it.

One of my favorite descriptions of this experience follows.

“I feel as though I stand at the foot of an infinitely

high staircase, down which some exuberant spirit

is flinging tennis ball after tennis ball, eternally,

and the one thing I want in the world is a tennis ball.”

from

Pilgrim at Tinker Creek

Annie Dillard

-----------------

A rare visitor to the yard.

We have been in this house close to twenty years.

After we had been here a few years we heard

the beautiful song of the male House Finch a

bird we were not familiar with here. He would

(we assumed it was the same bird) appear every

Spring but never seemed to get an answer. Eventually,

I can not tell if it was in time for our lone swain more

finches appeared. Now they outnumber house sparrows

at our feeder. And at present they are both bringing their

young to feed and the food is disappearing from the new

Squirrel proof feeders at an alarming rate.



"In trees still dripping night some nameless birds
Woke, shook out their arrowy wings, and sang,
Slowly, like finches sifting through a dream."

From

Morning in a new land
Mary Oliver



The House Finches do seem to spill enough

food that the squirrels while in danger of

frustration are not in danger of starvation.

Leopard's Bane the first non-bulb to flower in our

garden each year.

"Suddenly I realize

That if I stepped out of my body I would break

Into blossom."

from

A Blessing

   Jame Wright

A grey day -20C -4F with steamed up windows

dripping condensation. I am glad they replaced

our exterior doors last week and not today. But

continuing with my plan I am posting another

photo from last week.

"One day something came to the window.

Work was dropped , I looked up.

The colours fared. Everything turned around.

The earth and I sprang toward each other."

                                            Face to Face

                                                   Tomas Transtromer